Do as You Preach......
Hold up
Hold on
Don't be scared,
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile, (may your smile)
Shine on, (shine on)
Don't be scared, (don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm,
'Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday,
Take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out
Get up, (get up)
Come on, (come on)
Why you scared? (I'm not scared)
You'll never change what's been and gone
'Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them some day,
Take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out
'Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday.
Just take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out
We're all of the stars,
We're fading away.
Just try not to worry,
You'll see us someday.
Just take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thin Ice
I have a million things to say and they're all bursting out of my head, my brain and my gut that it's searing through my insides.
I will tread gently across the ice, one crack and I will drown in icy-cold laughter and ghosts from the past. One crack and I will fall through the thin ice of sanity and sink down to the abyss.
They say what don't kill you only makes you stronger. Why, then, do I find myself reaching for the gun?
In time, all in good time. For now, I guess, the pain will be a reminder of what was good. For now, I'll walk gently across the thin ice, one small fearful step at a time...
I will tread gently across the ice, one crack and I will drown in icy-cold laughter and ghosts from the past. One crack and I will fall through the thin ice of sanity and sink down to the abyss.
They say what don't kill you only makes you stronger. Why, then, do I find myself reaching for the gun?
In time, all in good time. For now, I guess, the pain will be a reminder of what was good. For now, I'll walk gently across the thin ice, one small fearful step at a time...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Please Fasten Your Seatbelts
Today in Shenzen, a woman tried to jump off a building after she lost every last penny of her savings on the stocks. She went to the trading software company, demanding a refund for the e-trading program and compensation for her loss in the market but was unsuccessful.
I think news like this really underlines how connected we are in today's world, where money, especially those in the market, is not just power, but also a gun with the safety off. If you play with it long enough, chances are one day you'll get shot in the face without any warning.
There are no safe havens for this storm that we are weathering. If one goes down, we all go down. It's only a matter of sooner or later. So brace yourself folks, I'm no econ guru but I get the feeling that the stars are about to be re-aligned.
Hope we'll still be left standing when the dust settles.
I think news like this really underlines how connected we are in today's world, where money, especially those in the market, is not just power, but also a gun with the safety off. If you play with it long enough, chances are one day you'll get shot in the face without any warning.
There are no safe havens for this storm that we are weathering. If one goes down, we all go down. It's only a matter of sooner or later. So brace yourself folks, I'm no econ guru but I get the feeling that the stars are about to be re-aligned.
Hope we'll still be left standing when the dust settles.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Six
Montreal-based McGill University is launching a unique campaign that asks its participants to sum up their lives, or the world in general, in six simple words.
With the amount of information overflowing and overloading us every second of the day, it's almost impossible to do this with clarity and make some sense of our world in such a chaotic and unforgiving time.
What will your six word novel say about you or the world? Please share. I have yet to come up with my own.
Apparently, Ernest Hemingway once wrote "for sale: baby shoes, never worn." Meaning? Beats the hell out of me.
With the amount of information overflowing and overloading us every second of the day, it's almost impossible to do this with clarity and make some sense of our world in such a chaotic and unforgiving time.
What will your six word novel say about you or the world? Please share. I have yet to come up with my own.
Apparently, Ernest Hemingway once wrote "for sale: baby shoes, never worn." Meaning? Beats the hell out of me.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Sunday Morning Blues
Twisting and turning in the middle of the night, I finally fell asleep out of exhaustion. For a moment in my dreams I was back, and so happy. But when I woke up to unfamiliar sounds and found myself back in this new place that I suddenly call home, I can't help but wonder.
I wonder if this is the right decision. I wonder if this is a detour in the journey, or have my tracks been separated. When I walk out that door, I make sure I have a smile on my face and I enjoy the way things are, or aren't, here. From the moment I leave I keep it all buried inside until I come home, when I'm so tired that I fall right asleep so that it won't catch up to me. But that's why I hate Sundays now, because it reminds me of what I don't have anymore.
Here, everything I see, hear, smell and taste feels like home. But why is it that I feel everything but at home? Perhaps in time it will subside, perhaps in time I will be stronger for it; but what if I don't want to be? What if I don't want to forget?
The past is like cancer sometimes. You've got to get rid of it or kill it somehow, but in the process you'll also be killing a lot of the good part. So what do you do? What can you do?
For now I hope to keep moving, no, running. The faster I run, the less I think and I find that very therapeutic. That's why I hate Sundays now, because there's no where to run on Sundays, just into the wall.
I hear the bell and thank god for it. Time to keep moving with a smile again.
I wonder if this is the right decision. I wonder if this is a detour in the journey, or have my tracks been separated. When I walk out that door, I make sure I have a smile on my face and I enjoy the way things are, or aren't, here. From the moment I leave I keep it all buried inside until I come home, when I'm so tired that I fall right asleep so that it won't catch up to me. But that's why I hate Sundays now, because it reminds me of what I don't have anymore.
Here, everything I see, hear, smell and taste feels like home. But why is it that I feel everything but at home? Perhaps in time it will subside, perhaps in time I will be stronger for it; but what if I don't want to be? What if I don't want to forget?
The past is like cancer sometimes. You've got to get rid of it or kill it somehow, but in the process you'll also be killing a lot of the good part. So what do you do? What can you do?
For now I hope to keep moving, no, running. The faster I run, the less I think and I find that very therapeutic. That's why I hate Sundays now, because there's no where to run on Sundays, just into the wall.
I hear the bell and thank god for it. Time to keep moving with a smile again.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Funny Random Moments in Shanghai
Every now and then I find my self laughing at the way people act around here. Not at them, just....well okay at them but I can't help it. I'm not better than them, but it's just so damn funny that I want to put it down.
1. On the subway, a guy jumps onto the train and starts throwing little cards with ads on empty seats. It's pretty much a drive-by because he's relaly flipping them fast. But then he accidentally throws one in the face of this middle-aged guy that's eating gawd knows what on the subway. The guy goes "aiyahh! !@&(*#&!" and runs after the guy to yell at him, leaving his breakfast and bag on the floor. I start laughing uncontrollably cuz the guy with the cards is trying to sprint away from him.
2. It's noon and I'm walking to get some lunch and see this guy sleeping under a tree on the sidewalk. Face up, snoring and using a bottle of half empty Pepsi for a pillow. The only problem is the bottle keeps rolling off and he keeps bobbing off. If this isn't a great ad for Pepsi then I don't know what is.
3. This really abnoxiously loud man is talking on the cellphone on the subway and he's just f*cking loud. When he finally starts to get off the subway at a stop, he slips and drops his cellphone through the crack between the platform and the car. He quickly bends down to try and grab it but the door starts to close and boy it's fast. The door slams into his butt and clips his head for a second, holding him there until it reopened. He quickly jumped off to yell at the conductor and everyone laughs.
The above stories really did take place and I'm sure there will be more.
1. On the subway, a guy jumps onto the train and starts throwing little cards with ads on empty seats. It's pretty much a drive-by because he's relaly flipping them fast. But then he accidentally throws one in the face of this middle-aged guy that's eating gawd knows what on the subway. The guy goes "aiyahh! !@&(*#&!" and runs after the guy to yell at him, leaving his breakfast and bag on the floor. I start laughing uncontrollably cuz the guy with the cards is trying to sprint away from him.
2. It's noon and I'm walking to get some lunch and see this guy sleeping under a tree on the sidewalk. Face up, snoring and using a bottle of half empty Pepsi for a pillow. The only problem is the bottle keeps rolling off and he keeps bobbing off. If this isn't a great ad for Pepsi then I don't know what is.
3. This really abnoxiously loud man is talking on the cellphone on the subway and he's just f*cking loud. When he finally starts to get off the subway at a stop, he slips and drops his cellphone through the crack between the platform and the car. He quickly bends down to try and grab it but the door starts to close and boy it's fast. The door slams into his butt and clips his head for a second, holding him there until it reopened. He quickly jumped off to yell at the conductor and everyone laughs.
The above stories really did take place and I'm sure there will be more.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Moment of Clarity
99 percent of the time, I enjoy spilling my guts out onto the computer screen. I enjoy venting my daily frustrations, I enjoy voicing my occasional blues and I enojoy sharing my random thoughts. From time to time, I tend to dwell on the past and every little detail that has cast a mark in my heart; but today will be different.
As I sat down before the computer, firing up my browser and getting ready to blog about something that really ticked me off on the subway today, Anita messaged me.
Anita, together with Elton, are not only the nicest couple that I know from my days in Buffalo but they are also some of the most genuine and kindest souls that I have ever known. The first five minutes were typical, she asked me about what I have been doing these days with my new career and I selfishly wanting to talk about my own world. But then I found. Anita is a mom.
At first, I couldn't grasp the situation but when I saw the blog it all became very clear. My problems are so miniscule and insignificant. In today's world, where divorce rates seems to be higher than the gas price, it is nto only rare, but heart-warming to see two people making it work. Little Jesse has Elton's eyes and Anita's nose. The blog is not only full of adorable pictures of their fulfilling lives but you can tell the love that both Elton and Anita has for their little bundle of joy. I've known them as friends; Anita being a fun-loving and ooptimistic big girl and Elton being the big brother that can tell me all about cars and play Call of Duty together (Elton, don't deny). But with Jesse, I see the other side of their beautiful soul, the nurturing and selfless side that I rarely see in other people.
Thank you, Anita, for making my day. This is the kind of bombshell that I don't mind getting. More importantly, thank you for keeeping me in the loop and I feel very privileged to be on your busy thoughts, even for a brief moment.
Life is full of hassels, big and small. But all the frictions from this dog-eat-dog world seems meaningless in a moment like this. I'll try to keep this warm and fuzzy feeling as I keep moving on, maybe this way I won't lose myself in this seemingly endless city.
As I sat down before the computer, firing up my browser and getting ready to blog about something that really ticked me off on the subway today, Anita messaged me.
Anita, together with Elton, are not only the nicest couple that I know from my days in Buffalo but they are also some of the most genuine and kindest souls that I have ever known. The first five minutes were typical, she asked me about what I have been doing these days with my new career and I selfishly wanting to talk about my own world. But then I found. Anita is a mom.
At first, I couldn't grasp the situation but when I saw the blog it all became very clear. My problems are so miniscule and insignificant. In today's world, where divorce rates seems to be higher than the gas price, it is nto only rare, but heart-warming to see two people making it work. Little Jesse has Elton's eyes and Anita's nose. The blog is not only full of adorable pictures of their fulfilling lives but you can tell the love that both Elton and Anita has for their little bundle of joy. I've known them as friends; Anita being a fun-loving and ooptimistic big girl and Elton being the big brother that can tell me all about cars and play Call of Duty together (Elton, don't deny). But with Jesse, I see the other side of their beautiful soul, the nurturing and selfless side that I rarely see in other people.
Thank you, Anita, for making my day. This is the kind of bombshell that I don't mind getting. More importantly, thank you for keeeping me in the loop and I feel very privileged to be on your busy thoughts, even for a brief moment.
Life is full of hassels, big and small. But all the frictions from this dog-eat-dog world seems meaningless in a moment like this. I'll try to keep this warm and fuzzy feeling as I keep moving on, maybe this way I won't lose myself in this seemingly endless city.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Song of the Moment
Goodbye My Lover, James Blunt
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won't stop there
I am here for you if you'd only care
You touched my heart, you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your hand
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I've been addicted to you
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile
I've watched you sleeping for a while
I'd be the father of your child
I'd spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you, I swear that's true
I cannot live without you
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bare my soul in time
When I'm kneeling at your feet
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won't stop there
I am here for you if you'd only care
You touched my heart, you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your hand
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I've been addicted to you
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile
I've watched you sleeping for a while
I'd be the father of your child
I'd spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you, I swear that's true
I cannot live without you
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bare my soul in time
When I'm kneeling at your feet
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow
Disoriented in the Orient
Since the hiccup with WordPress seems to be at least inavoidable for now, I've decided to record the daily and sometimes (well, mostly) random thoughts that I have distilled from sitting in the office everyday. I hope soon I'll be able to get back on WP but until then I will post directly and indirectly on both blogs so that I can continue to share my experience in this uncharted territory with you.
Today's the first day of my second week. As usual, I hopped on my hour-long subway ride to work with my "Coffwie Amewicana" from Starbucks (sorry I shouldn't poke fun, the little girl at the counter is actually quite adorable and has always been nice to me). I have learned, through a week of trial and error, to go straight to the end of the mile-long train and plant my skinny butt on the first opening that I could find. As a result, I am no longer the middle of the battlefield where boys and girls, grandmas and grandpas trade elbows to the ribs and box each other out harder than NBA players jostling for rebounds. I have learned to slowly sip my coffee while using my kung fu sense to dodge the occasional newspaper swiping my way or the frequent rhino stump from the guy or girl (sometimes with their hair I can't tell) standing in front of me.
Strangely enough, I still feel more at home in Boston. Funny how I couldn't finish the alphabet until I was 11 and now I feel lost without it. There are Chinese signs everywhere and I know that I understand perfectly, but yet I need an extra second to process the information. I'm sure in time I'll adjust to the language but I'm not so sure for the culture. People seems to be going to whereever it is that they are going at about 100 miles per hour. Pushing and shoving without the slightest gesture of apology and dare I say it, spitting in the street. Occasionally you do meet one of the nicer and more polite ones but those are rare finds.
Overcompensating is the word that comes to mind when I think of Shanghai these days. With its golden era and cultural heritage in the past, the Paris of the East is expanding in the new world with big foreign money, expensive brands, fast cars and big price tags. The city is still beautiful and amazing, but you get the feeling that the filling in the bread is taken out.
I love my job, the office is great and I enjoy doing the work. But sometimes you just get the feeling that there's this small void missing in this metropolis. There's still no warm hellos yet but I suppose I should be happy that more than a handful of people know my name now. For now, Chief Wiggum, Scratchy and Duffman who stand on my computer will have to give me the strangth and companionship I need.
When you're on your own your mind tend to wonders and sometimes bring you the blues. But for now I will plow on and hope for the best. I wish you all well and I hope I'll get to see some, if not all of you some day not far away. Until then, take care and good luck.
Today's the first day of my second week. As usual, I hopped on my hour-long subway ride to work with my "Coffwie Amewicana" from Starbucks (sorry I shouldn't poke fun, the little girl at the counter is actually quite adorable and has always been nice to me). I have learned, through a week of trial and error, to go straight to the end of the mile-long train and plant my skinny butt on the first opening that I could find. As a result, I am no longer the middle of the battlefield where boys and girls, grandmas and grandpas trade elbows to the ribs and box each other out harder than NBA players jostling for rebounds. I have learned to slowly sip my coffee while using my kung fu sense to dodge the occasional newspaper swiping my way or the frequent rhino stump from the guy or girl (sometimes with their hair I can't tell) standing in front of me.
Strangely enough, I still feel more at home in Boston. Funny how I couldn't finish the alphabet until I was 11 and now I feel lost without it. There are Chinese signs everywhere and I know that I understand perfectly, but yet I need an extra second to process the information. I'm sure in time I'll adjust to the language but I'm not so sure for the culture. People seems to be going to whereever it is that they are going at about 100 miles per hour. Pushing and shoving without the slightest gesture of apology and dare I say it, spitting in the street. Occasionally you do meet one of the nicer and more polite ones but those are rare finds.
Overcompensating is the word that comes to mind when I think of Shanghai these days. With its golden era and cultural heritage in the past, the Paris of the East is expanding in the new world with big foreign money, expensive brands, fast cars and big price tags. The city is still beautiful and amazing, but you get the feeling that the filling in the bread is taken out.
I love my job, the office is great and I enjoy doing the work. But sometimes you just get the feeling that there's this small void missing in this metropolis. There's still no warm hellos yet but I suppose I should be happy that more than a handful of people know my name now. For now, Chief Wiggum, Scratchy and Duffman who stand on my computer will have to give me the strangth and companionship I need.
When you're on your own your mind tend to wonders and sometimes bring you the blues. But for now I will plow on and hope for the best. I wish you all well and I hope I'll get to see some, if not all of you some day not far away. Until then, take care and good luck.
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